You probably do not know “Janie Greenspan”.
But you have known her, most likely, by a different name.
She was that girl,
teased, under appreciated, and generally roughed up by those guys who thought they had it all going on.
They didn’t, of course, which she probably did not know at the time.
A realization that would come later, too late to ease the burden of those years.
` I “liked” Janie Greenspan.
How affection was expressed in the late 60’s.
We had found each other in a social maze,
two fringe players in a very tough arena.
Like her, there was not a lot of attention for me from the people who “mattered”.
Like her, no invites to “the” parties or prom invitations.
And like her, I understood my place,
outside of the magical kingdom.
We were just on the other side of the walls,
radiant light, golden aura in view.
There was happiness and satisfaction so near, just beyond those
closed gates.
In truth we were squatters, wannabes.
“Outliers” way before that became cool and fashionable.
And did we really know how each other felt or what we really thought?
Did she know that in my mind, she was not Judy or Jan?
Did I know that in her mind, I was not Gary or Dan.
We did.
That was the understanding that brought us together.
An unspoken agreement or pact, in addition to really liking each other.
There was a “relationship” of sorts.
Two young souls seeking emotional comfort and reassurance
to confirm in each other’s mind that we really were okay.
She wore those braces honorably and did her best to control
that black, stringy hair.
For me, big crooked nose, slightly oversized ears,
straight, short, thin hair.
A somewhat high forehead as I recall.
I wore none of that honorably.
There was an exchange ready to be made at any opportunity.
But she welcomed me and offered a sanctuary for the taking,
a comfort and acceptance that I could not understand,
warmth and security that I was unable to appreciate.
Of the two of us, I was more of the wannabe,
too preoccupied and disgruntled to know what was in front of me.
Remember, there was Judy, Jan, and all of the others inside those gates.
A foolish pursuit of something better when opportunity and contentment were already there to be claimed.
That was years ago for all of us.
But has your memory stirred?
Have the images and circumstantial memories risen to be revisited
with a smile and clearer understanding of who she was
and who you were?
Perhaps faint recollections, a cloudy recall, a dim warm light.
That was a welcoming light for me that I turned from.
Nothing that she had done,
just a failure to appreciate it’s source,
an inability to truly feel its warmth.
Was it any different for you?
I “liked” Janie Greenspan back then.
I did not know, respect, or appreciate her nor myself for that matter.
That has come much later in my life.
But I am certain that beyond those early experiences she has found her way,
that radiant light and golden aura we both observed and yearned for.
Stardom was always in her future.
Not appreciated by me or others at that time.
Yes it was our loss,
that warm and welcoming light, there, but never truly seen or felt.
Yes, let us pay homage to Janie Greenspan and whomever she was in your life.
Teased, not appreciated, and generally roughed up then, but I suspect no longer,
a survivor of all that, me, and probably you,
having risen above us all.