Second Chances
I often wonder where they are now,
those who fled, those cast away.
I believe that they have never looked back, as I sometimes have.
A credit to them,
frustration for me.
There are those, a few I am quite certain, that I would want back,
one more go around, an all out effort to make things work.
I am smarter now, settled, able to commit, more mature on most days.
But this would be a tough selling point to those who would even consider such an outreach.
We remember things, there is no getting around that.
And there is all that smoke from those burnt bridges and torched emotions
But this ideation, desire or moment of grandiosity is just that.
Things change, people move on, forget perhaps, even forgive but
find new light in what was once darkness.
Who, leading a meaningful life, really has the time to look back and consider revisiting what was hurtful or seemly needed in the past.
The departed always had their reasons.
Cast aways, left with deep wounds.
No one goes back to that,
the reasons too clear, the love dissolved to some fond memories……. perhaps.
And the meaningful life, now being lived.
Who would give that up, sacrifice what it had taken to get there?
No, senseless and silly on my part even to flirt with such ideas.
There is never any going back,
only wonder and curiosity and even regret that it had gotten away.
Most of those departed knew what they were doing, no regrets there, perhaps just an occasional thought or reflection over the years.
And those cast away, general dismissal in hand, a hard lesson learned, a promise to oneself not to make that mistake again.
But most of all, a clear look at where they are now, resulting in a broad smile,
no doubt.
On this late date, I understand there are no second chances in these matters.
But to just have a glance of what their lives became,
not an encounter, phone call, or meeting for coffee,
but an anonymous few moments to see
how it turned out for them, knowing very well how it had turned out for me.
A view from down the street, or perhaps a few moments of shadowing,
no contact, a one time thing, satisfying that curiosity and moving on.
This would really be about closure.
Just another part of my life that I would like to wrap up and knowingly put
on the shelf as a source of comfort,
allowing it to accumulate dust in the time left.