Please don’t ask me to; don’t expect me to; don’t be disappointed when I don’t. And please don’t take it personally. It isn’t……….well, probably not. But then again, maybe.
You should know, I used to be able to. Smile, that is. That ability has been forgotten or lost some where along the line. I am absolutely sure that I once could……readily, freely, authentically, and without thought. Not so any more. Smiles are now some facsimile thereof; manufactured, fabricated, conscious, and mostly unnatural in terms of how they feel. My facial muscles no longer work that way………an incapability, an awkward task, an unconvincing effort at what should be a easily achieved social grace. I have looked in the mirror to see how this appears. It seems that the middle two-thirds of my lips are somewhat able to get this accomplished. However, it is the extremes on both sides that don’t follow suit. It is kind of a weird expression; like wanting to, breaking into, only to find that there is not full anatomical cooperation. Those muscles work. If I stare into the mirror and force both sides to turn upward, they do. Sort of a full smile, but very unauthentic and unnatural. Certainly not an expression that I would want to be seen on my face. Tolerable in that private space, but not in a social setting. And upon further investigation in that mirror, the sides of my mouth actually do turn downward, quite naturally. Nothing forced or unauthentic about this. A frown, there, as a permanent fixture. What is this all about?
I will start by giving myself the benefit of doubt. Okay, my face is just shaped that way. Nature’s doing, as simple as that. I mean, we have all seen the quirky facial features that are common to so many people. Ears not level, a slightly drooping eye, crooked nose, or one side of the face not matching the other. It happens, for better or worse. We live with those things and most often give them little thought. But not being able to smile seems to be a bit different. Generally accepted as tied to your existing emotional state, it is how you greet the world and perhaps a strong signal that determines how you are received and treated. A permanent frown is probably seen differently than other quirky features. It is surely viewed as a portal into what this rather gloomy person is all about. Not so for the droopy eye or crooked nose.
Maybe my opening comment in a social exchange should be, “ Oh by the way, sorry about the frown…..don’t think anything of it”. Is it fair on my part to even suggest that it just be ignored? I could add, “ an anatomical disability………..the muscles on the extremes of my mouth don’t seem to work………..inside I am truly happy and very pleased to meet you.” On the other end of this social exchange, I am not sure I would buy that. Perhaps there is more to this. And it is in this dimly lit corner that we must take a look.
Best guess is that the frown is there for a reason. Over the years, it seems that there have been an increasing number of reasons not to smile. I won’t bore you with the details; let’s just say that things for a long time were not what I had hoped for. Not that my life has suffered a terrible turn of events, it has not. But as expectation-driven as I can be, there was a level of disappointment in things generally that has impacted my perspective. In many ways, especially now, I am a lucky guy and have much to be thankful for. But I was plagued by a “something more” cognitive impairment which tended to neutralize much of the good that had come my way. And so, the slowly developing frown over the past thirty years. Again, it is not that I never could smile, it just became less frequent to the point where it is now unnatural and forced behavior. Perhaps like other anatomical functions, it was lost or more difficult to do when not practiced regularly. An atrophy, so to speak.
So again, please, it probably is not personal. Chances are you have not done or said anything to deserve this type of greeting. It’s just me and you just happen to be part of a species and civilization, which generally, I have come to dislike. We are for the most part beings who do little that is not designed to benefit ourselves. Historically and presently we have wreaked havoc on anything that we have come into contact with. Ours is a such a sad record in the face of so much potential. And looking into the future, I certainly am not betting on us. However, you may very well be one of the exceptions (and there are some), and because I am a respectful and generous person I would more than likely go out of my way to get past this generalized dislike and any opening physical signals that were unintended. I would want to show you who I really am and that I appreciate you for your exceptional qualities. This now, for me, is an ever-present challenge……..looking for exceptions, creating optimism over this underlying chronic pessimism, searching for and focusing on the good instead of being influenced by a strongly reinforced feeling of negativity about most of what goes on around me. I work on these things with varying degrees of success each day. Unfortunately, cumulatively, I just know and feel too much. My understanding and sensitivities have just been overwhelmed by the folly, ineptitude, and harm that most of you are engaged in.
I am not expecting that the frown, as my facial greeting card, will go away anytime soon. Probably too late, I suspect. An unforced, natural smile is not on the horizon. So please, please, don’t ask me to; don’t expect me to; and remember most of all, it is probably nothing personal, although in fact, it may be. Sorry.